Adventures in Caulking The Tub

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My husband I have always had a strict but unspoken division of labor. This means he takes care of the “icky” stuff: taking out the trash, fixing the toilet, painting and other tasks generally thought of a “masculine.” I do the laundry, cooking, cleaning gardening and child-rearing. Imagine my surprise when after 20 years of marriage I became separated.

After the heartache and anger subsided I realized I was going to have to do the gross stuff. (Does that sound cold?) I realize there are a lot of women out there, separated, divorced , widowed, or women who don’t live in a gender biased world. My hats off to women plumbers, construction workers, painters, etc.

Over the last seven months, thankfully there haven’t been many disasters. Mr. Zen is back home we are working things out. But in the midst of things, I learned that I can do things I never thought I could do alone. I used a rear tine tiller. I had trouble holding her steady and she really didn’t like how I shifted gears. I got help from a wonderful friend (also a woman) but I did it dammit; and t felt good!

Yesterday I caulked the tub. Previously, this would have come under the category of “ickiness” but I was determined. So as Mr. Zen did laundry and watched Gordon Ramsey’s “Kitchen Nightmares,” I went upstairs to tackle the job. I had watched several You Tube videos on the subject (thank God for You Tube). and armed with my caulk remover tool, a tube caulk and the Beatles and Sting for music I began my job.

Sitting in the bathtub, I found scraping the old grout out of the tub absolutely therapeutic. There’s a satisfaction removing long lines of gross caulk away from the bathtub. I began to play a game with my self to see the longest piece I could remove at a time. Then, tenacity in getting every last itty bitty remnant of caulk removed.

When I put tube of new caulk to the tub and finished the job I stepped back, admired my work and called my sister for and “Atta Girl!” That received, I tore Mr. Zen away from Gordon to come look at my work. Another “Atta Girl” received. The validation was great, but honestly looking at the finished job, I knew I did a great job. “Atta Girl!”

Light One Candle

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Light One Candle

Light one candle for all we believe in,
That anger not tear us apart;
And light one candle to bind us together
With peace as the song in our heart!
.
…“What’s the commitment to those who have died?
We cry out, “They’ve not died in vain”

I was about to post a lovely article about alternative Christmas trees.  I will get to doing that later this week. Somehow it seems a little too festive to do so in light of last week’s tragedy in Connecticut.  The people who were there cannot find words that are adequate enough to describe what happened .  Rampage might fit. So might “senseless carnage.”But not really, because it was so much more.

On my Facebook page, I asked for opinions on gun control.  We’ve heard it all before.  The pundits against gun control were afraid their constitutional right to bear arms would be stripped away.  The pundits for gun control, of course  felt the opposite.  Somewhere in the  middle were those who would like to see gun control but have resigned themselves to the belief that it couldn’t work.

It’s really a mulch-faceted answer.  I am in solid agreement with Katherine Newman, author of “Rampage:  The Social Roots of School Shootings”  whose CNN Opinion article I read.  There is a profile.  We know who these people might be.  A teacher may see what seems to be a sign, but doesn’t talk about it to the school counselor or document it.  A Pastor or youth leader might see something that might be a sign but shrug it off as teenage behavior or home life or trouble at school.  (all of which could be causes for the behavior)  A parent might be dealing with a child who they call  “moody” and pass it off as teenage behavior.  Of all these different people, person A never gets to speak with Person B and the kid slips through the cracks.

Do I want gun control?  Yes.  Do I think gun control will prevent more  mass shootings?  Absolutely not.  But more stringent laws on gun control will make it one step harder for a person to obtain a gun.  The second prong to this is acting as community.  There needs to be a mechanism in place to tag those with potential problems and reach out to them in appropriate ways before they become violent.

We must do something.  We must start.

Coming together as a community is something we can do.  It’s a start.  I have joined the Facebook page for The One Million Child Walk on DC for Gun Control.  The tentative date is set for 2/17/13.  I will be there to join with a national community of others saying “enough is enough.” Will you come?

Light one candle for the strength that we need
To never become our own foe;
Light one candle for those who are suff’ring
The pain that we learned long ago;
Light one candle for all we believe in,
That anger not tear us apart;
And light one candle to bind us together
With peace as the song in our heart!

Don’t let the light go out!
Let it shine through our love and our tears!

What is the memory that’s valued so highly
That we keep it alive in that flame?
What’s the commitment to those who have died?
We cry out, “They’ve not died in vain”
We have come this far always believing
That justice will somehow prevail:
This is the burden. This is the promise.
This is why we will not fail!

~ Light One Candle by Peter Yarrow (Peter, Paul and Mary

Stress – less Holidays

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Living Simply Through the Holidays – written 11/28/12

How much stress do you feel during the holidays?

Ten years ago I left the corporate life for home life. I wanted my kids to know that I actually lived at home and didn’t just visit on the weekends.  I made more money than my husband did so there were to be many adjustments and challenges.  I have never looked back.   We learned to live more simply because we had to, but I feel like a better example for my kids because of it.  I feel like a better person and steward of resources.  Living simply has enabled me to see the world differently and put my life into perspective.

The challenges always came at Christmas.

When we first started our journey our kids were five and four.  They wanted practically everything they saw.  At that point my husband and I made the decision and told our kids that they would get three presents a piece because that’s what Jesus got. (Gold Frankincense and Myrrh.)  Doing this not only put our priorities into perspective but also our kids quickly learned how to prioritize what they really wanted for Christmas.  It took some time, but they got it.

We also re-evaluated the money we spent on relatives and why.  We felt the need to spend buy our parents big gifts at Christmas. Why? They have everything and really didn’t need what we were giving them.  The reason we did it?  To keep up with our siblings and step-siblings.  I am embarrassed just typing those words.  I am sure there are others of you out there who have done the same for similar reasons.  Can I have a show of hands?

My husband and I put our heads together and decided to use the dollars we would normally spend on a meaningless gift and give it to an organization that would do something good for someone else on their behalf.  The organization we chose is World Vision.  My father and mother love to fish.  The first year we gave money to buy fishing kits for people in Asia.  They received the card and were thrilled.  Over the years we’ve given money towards school supplies in America and Africa.  We’ve helped sexually exploited girls and helped families to feed themselves by buying chickens and ducks.  We also started to do this for our children and grandchildren.  This isn’t a World Vision commercial.  It’s what we as a family decided to do.  It’s made the holidays much less stressful and has given everyone something to look forward to.

We’ve stopped donating and volunteering at the holidays and I’ll tell you why.  A few years ago I worked part time at a women’s shelter.  At Christmas the house was literally FLOODED with gifts, food, money etc.  After Christmas people forgot all about these women.  So now we choose to give in the middle of the year when extra hands and goods are needed.

What new holiday traditions have you started?  In what ways do you hope to make this holiday season less stressful?  Share by leaving a comment!

From my home to yours – have a wonderful holiday!